1. Repression: Stuffing your anger.
2. Non-feeling: Never even identifying your feelings or the sensation of being angry.
3. Displacement: Getting angry at someone else instead of the actual target of the anger
4. Controlling: Holding in the emotional storm of the anger.
5. Suppression: Experiencing your anger but holding it in without expressing it..
6. Quiet crying: Suppressing your anger with no verbal or physical expression - this stifles your anger and changes it to sadness and pain.
7. Assertive confrontation: a direct response of how I feel about the person or thing that angered me.
8. Overreaction: fury or rage at something or someone who may not deserve it.
To improve your ability to work anger out of your life, assess your understanding of your anger by answering these questions in writing.
A. What is my definition of anger?
B. What usually makes me angry?
C. Who usually makes me angry?
D. What ``triggers' are likely to arouse my anger?
E. How do I usually express my anger?
F. How healthy is the way I express anger?
G. How do I feel when I am expressing my anger?
H. How do I feel after I expressed my anger?
I. How do I benefit from openly expressing my anger?
J. What stops me from expressing anger?
K. How do others react when I openly express my anger?
L. What negative results happen from expressing my anger?
M. What is the positive outcome of my expression of anger?
N. What is the source of my anger?
O. How can I recognize my anger and express it in a healthy way?
Once you've analyzed the anger in your life, find out what anger is still unresolved from your past by answering these questions in writing.
P. What anger issues in my life remain unresolved?
Q. Who are the people I still have unresolved anger towards?
R. What events continue to arouse anger in me today?
S. What have I done to work on my unresolved anger?
T. What stops me from working out on my unresolved issues?
V. How can I forgive, forget and heal the past anger?
The Anger Workout refers to a healthy and full expression of anger on inanimate objects; not on people to rid yourself of hostility and aggression caused by your anger.
* beating pillows or mattress
* stomping on floor
* beating a bed with a tennis or racquetball racket
* beating a rug with a stick or whip
* hitting a weight bag or punching bag
* physical exertion in sports - racquetball, tennis, hand ball, etc.
* loud yelling/cursing in a car with windows closed
* yelling into a paper bag
* ripping up newspapers
* hammering nails in a board
* throwing soft objects
* breaking dishes
* karate or judo
* beating drums
* screaming at a concert or sports event
* digging holes in the dirt
* hitting balls or stones with a baseball bat
* hitting a ball against a wall with racket or hand
* writing an angry letter and ripping it up
* expressing feelings in a journal
* wringing a wet towel
* hammering/smashing glass in a bag
Continue one or more of your chosen work-out techniques for a minimum of 15 minutes daily and for as many days or weeks as it takes for you feel relieved of your anger.
Use the anger workout for all anger you currently experience AND for all past, unresolved anger issues.
If you still have unresolved anger, return to Step 1 and begin again.
Begin to use reason. When you are ready, allow yourself to forgive those situations, events or persons for what happened to you.
Do not proceed to the next step until you can come to a "healing readiness" point.
If you are stuck, you are not ready and require more working out.
Once you feel able to forgive and you feel the beginning of healing, write down what made you able to forgive.
If the person(s) who you have been angry at is still alive and capable of communicating with you on a healing, non-blaming, feeling level - share your resolution with them and allow forgiveness and healing.
If the person(s) is unavailable, let the forgiveness and healing take hold in your heart. You are doing it for yourself and your peace of mind.
If in the future a trigger event brings up this same unresolved anger, repeat the steps. For some unresolved anger situations, you may need to repeat these steps many times.
Once you express and experience relief from your anger, practice meditation and loving kindness.