Every Bible-believing Christian knows that Armageddon is just around the corner and Jesus is coming to "rapture" all the good Christians up to paradise. And the rest of us? Well it's not a pretty picture. If you haven't read about the "end times" and God's wrath in the Bible's Book of Revelations, the author sounds like they OD'd on mushrooms or some super powerful weed. Here's what it says in a "nut"shell:
On the throne sat the One surrounded by twenty-four elders clothed in white and wearing gold crowns on their heads. From the throne came lightning and thunder and voices. In front of the throne, seven lamps of fire burned in a sea of crystal-like glass and there were four beasts full of eyes. The first beast was like a LION, and the second like an ox, and the third had a face of a man, and the fourth beast was like a flying EAGLE. Each of them had six wings and gave infinite glory to the One who sat on the throne. They chanted "Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty." To the right of the throne was a scroll with SEVEN SEALS on it and the Lamb broke the seals and out galloped FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE riding pale, red, black and green horses. Each were given the power to conquer and rob the world of peace and food and to kill with the WAR, FAMINE, PLAGUES and VIOLENT EARTHQUAKES.
The SUN TURNED BLACK, the MOON TURNED BLOOD RED and the STARS FELL from the sky. Mountains and islands were ripped from their base. Rich and poor hid in caves as the great day of vengeance against Rome for her evil deeds had finally arrived.
Seven angels in heaven appeared with seven trumpets (TRUMP) and when the first trumpet blew, HAIL AND FIRE mixed together with blood and one third of the land and vegetation was scorched.The second Trumpet cast a flaming mountain down into the sea turning one third of it into blood. One third of the sea creatures were killed and one third of the ships were destroyed. The third Trumpet blew and a HUGE BURNING STAR crashed to Earth polluting one third of the rivers and springs and killing all who drank the water. When the fourth Trumpet blew, the sun, moon and stars plunged DAYLIGHT INTO DARKNESS and a third of the light was lost. The fifth Trumpet caused a star to fall from the sky opening an abyss where smoke poured out with a spray of locusts wearing gold crowns. They had men's faces, women's hair, lions teeth, chests like iron breast plates and stingers like scorpions filled with venom. Their flapping wings sounded like the roar of chariots and horses charging into battle. The locusts TORTURED (NON-CHRISTIANS) those without the seal of God on their foreheads.
Their victims begged for death but couldn't die. Then the sixth angel sounded his trumpet and released four angels to KILL ONE-THIRD OF MANKIND. The number of the mounted troops was twice ten thousand times ten thousand. The horses and riders wore breastplates that were fiery red, dark blue, and yellow as sulfur. The heads of the horses resembled the heads of lions, and out of their mouths came fire, smoke and sulfur that killed a third of mankind. When the survivors did not repent, another mighty angel came down from heaven, clothed in a cloud and a rainbow.The angel's face was like the sun, his feet like pillars of fire and he carried a little open book in his hand.
A SCARLET BEAST came up out of the sea with ten horns wearing crowns on its seven heads. It looked like a leopard but it had the paws of a bear and the mouth of a lion. One of its heads had been mortally wounded but I saw the wound heal itself right before my eyes. Then the Great City of Babylon appeared to me as a harlot riding on the back of the scarlet Beast. She was costumed in purple and scarlet colors and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls. In her hand, she carried a golden cup full of abominations and the filthiness of her fornication and I saw a name written on her forehead, 'Mystery, Babylon The Great, The MOTHER OF HARLOTS and Abominations Of The Earth'.
The Dragon granted the Beast power, a throne and authority over all people, nations and races. The whole world worshipped and followed the Beast. Then all men, rich and poor were forced to accept a stamped image on their right hand so that no one could buy or sell anything unless they were marked with the number of the Beast,666, six hundred sixty six.
Seven angels held SEVEN VIALS filled with SEVEN PLAGUES. One of them said, "I will show you the judgment of the great whore that stands holding her golden cup over many waters. She is that great city (NEW YORK) that reigns over the Kings of the earth (UNITED NATIONS) and over all peoples, multitudes, nations, and tongues. The ten horns of the Beast are ten kings. They are of one mind and will give their power and strength to the Beast and make war with the Son of man who is the King of kings."
Then the Son of man (Jesus) appeared with a sickle harvesting the grapes of wrath. His hair was white as snow, his eyes like flames and he was holding seven stars. Out of his mouth came a two-edged sword and he said, “I know the blasphemy of those who say they are Jews, and are not, but are a synagogue of Satan.”
A devastating earthquake split the Great City into three parts. Giant hailstones rained down, islands and mountains disappeared and cities fell under God's blazing wrath. I saw the armies of the Son of Man battle with the Beast and when the Beast was captured, an angel chained him up and threw him into an abyss for a thousand years.
After one thousand years, the Beast was released and seduced the nations of the world into the final battle of Armageddon but his armies were devoured by fire from Heaven. The Beast was thrown into a pool of eternal burning sulfur and a new Heaven and Earth was born....AND WE ALL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER UNDER A NEW (JEW) WORLD ORDER'.
So why wait? Let's bomb Iran to kickstart the apocalypse and get this party started!!!.