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How To Ruin Your Valentine's Day

1. Take a Carnival Cruise

Valentine's day horror stories are trickling in from a crippled Carnival Cruise ship where 4000 vacationing passengers are sharing 5 overflowing toilets. An engine fire crippled the ship days ago. There's no air circulation in cabins and passengers are sleeping in foul smelling water and urine soaked hallways.

The massive ship has been stranded at sea for days and is slowly being towed by 3 tugs to Mobile, Alabama through the Gulf of Mexico.

Meanwhile, there is a food and water shortage and passengers report eating onion sandwiches and pooping in plastic bags.

2. Kill Your Lover

A legless paralympics superstar is spending Valentine's day behing bars after murdering his girlfriend.

Oscar Pistorius, the South African double amputee "Blade Runner" inspired the world by competing as a sprinter in the London Olympics. He is pleading not guilty by claiming he mistook her for an intruder.

3. Eat In A French Restaurant

French restaurants have been serving cancer- causing horse meat as beef. Traces of a drug that can cause cancer have entered the human food chain in France from horses slaughtered in Britain, says David Heath, the Agriculture Minister. Spanghero, the French company involved in the European horsemeat scandal, knowingly sold horsemeat labeled as beef.

 

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